Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Singles Columnist to Hire Husband

Hey, you thought that was about me, didn't you? Well, I never. Literally. I would never seek to "hire" a husband, because I can't afford a good one, and what's the point in engaging the services of a sub-par husband? I mean, really... Palm Beach (Florida) singles columnist Angela Manfredi (who's apparently looking for her own Man Freddy, or Mikey, or Davey, or whoever) has given up on looking for love and decided to take on some help of the husband variety: someone who can take out the trash, fix things around the house, presumably open jars...you know, husband things. And she's chronicling the journey for her column in the Palm Beach Post. The term of engagement for such an indispensable "husband"? Two weeks. Payment? "To be discussed privately, but not less than $1000." (See more details and legal stuff at the "apply" section of her site.) In her own words:

Help Wanted: Unique position available for success-minded single man to help never-wed singles columnist experience the practical side of marriage for two weeks over the summer.

Responsibilities include: Rescuing me from the perils of intrusive dinner party conversation, car concerns, household handiwork and hurricane preparations. Applicants should be proficient at displaying enthusiasm and rapt attention while listening to a vivid, detailed account of my entire day.

The ideal candidate: He possesses the ability to express (in a gentle, flattering, non-verbal way) that the outfit I'm eyeing is better suited for one of Lil' Kim's back-up dancers.

What's in it for him? For better or worse, until the end of our employment contract do us part, you could consider this espousal exercise groom-ing for the real thing, a refresher course, or just a great summer job opportunity!

Angela's never been married and claims "22 years" in the dating trenches. And yet she looks like a daytime TV talk show host. Maybe she's living in the wrong city? I dunno. Anyone who wants to try on husband shoes for a few weeks? And any suggestions for stunts I should pitch to the Jewish Week for my column?


Anonymous said...

$500 a week for what's probably an 80 hour a week job requiring handy-man AND social skills?

If this were a man advertising for a wife with housework and social skills for 80 hours a week for $500 a week there'd be a huge public outcry.

I think she should hire a handy-man for the house stuff and learn to explain why she's dateless and deal with the consequences, like the rest of us do.

-Shaun Eli

ALG said...

Note that the website actually says, "Compensation will be discussed privately but will not be less than $1000 per week."

I doubt those things would take 80 hours--I really think it would be more like 40, and in addition to the $1000/week, there would be free room and board. It turns out to be a good deal more than I make at my 40 hr/week job, and probably less than or equal to what housekeepers make. (Disclaimer: I have no idea what housekeepers make.)

I don't think there would be such an outcry if a male singles columnist advertised for a wife. I think it would be kind of funny. Personally, as a single woman, I would much, much prefer to hire a wife than to hire a husband. I can do stuff around the house myself, take out trash, fix the toilet... I need someone to do my laundry, clean the bathroom, make me dinner every day, and be home to let the cable installer in during the day.

Anonymous said...

Several thoughts here. 1.) If this was a guy, they'd call this solicitation. 2.) They must have escort services for this sort of thing in FL right? 3.) 22 Years in the trenches? She's a Brig. Gen. perhaps? A TV presenter? Does she have horns? I mean what hope is there for the rest of us really? 4.)There's not one nice elderly sugar daddy in Fl looking for a slightly younger woman to go to shuffle board with? Has she staked out all the likely the places? The diners etc...? 5.) This is so a cheap publicity stunt, right? 6.) The millionaires in my town have gone to running concurrent 'contests' looking for their 'perfect mates' too. As far as we know, nothing much has come from this either. 7.) Where have all the matchmakers gone now that we need them? (I know the selection was always limited & stale. But life was never so perfect as it is now, right?) We have all these nifty computers & all. 8.) My final advice: Get lucky early.

Cheers, 'VJ'

Anonymous said...

Further investigation shows Angela to be quiet the savvy PR machine. Cute, 30 something, and knowing a good angle when she can get one. Clearly there's room enough in Judy Miller's cell for someone who could so callously toy with the hearts of men in such a cruel manner. Just mere instruments of her publishing empire. Umm, does that give anyone here any ideas??

Cheers, 'VJ'