Friday, September 16, 2005
Top Five: Worst Opening Words in Online Dating Profiles
I'm sure you're all very nice people, you who have used these opening lines. But maybe you're not aware that sometimes, we can only see the first five to eight words of your profile without clicking to expand it. So think about which words are the first ones we'll see. Because you never get a second chance to make a first impression:
1. I work hard and play...[hard]
2. Hi I'm [NAME ALREADY LISTED IN THE PROFILE] and I'm [AGE ALREADY LISTED IN THE PROFILE]
3. I don't know why I'm on JDate.../My friends are making me do this...
4. Give me a reason to quit JDate.
5. Hello ladies! I am looking for a woman...
And yes, there are more. These are just the ones that are irking me at this particular second.
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So now, tell us what would be GOOD opening lines!
Other cuties:
1. "I love to laugh!". Nu, we'll be great you and I, I love to collect feathers.
2. "I love life!" Which often means "My Zoloft is down to 25 mg a day!".
3. "I'm spontaneous". Perhaps better "impetuous"?
4. "I look "X" years younger than my real age!". Don't we all.
5. "Communication!". I'll talk, you'll listen and nod.
6. "I'm very interesting!". To my mother.
7. "Strong connection to Judaism". Bagels and the New York Times.
8. "Money and looks are not important". In your dreams.
9. "A poet trapped in a lawyer's body". Still, don't quit your day job.
10. "I'm very normal". 'Nuff said. Simcha
I'm an easy going guy that likes... and the classic I'm looking or an attractive lady who shares...
Gah so boring.
"I love all that NYC has to offer" which I believe means "I want to go out, but I have no idea what to do, so please be someone who can find something other than the dinners and movies I go to with my friends every weekend."
3. I don't know why I'm on JDate.../My friends are making me do this...
Yeah, this one always makes me sit up and take notice. It's like, "I didn't want to make any effort, but here I am, so you do all the work." Grreat!
Originality is a good thing, people...
So any suggestions? I mean its not the easiest thing in the world to think of an opening line that's different from all the hundreds or thousands that some random stranger has already seen, especially when half of us are already below average in writing skills to start with. Mine is "I am currently a medical student at a Philly medical school. I have varied interests, ranging fro..." Does that suck?
Oh boy could folks run with this one, right? I don't have the time...
1.) 'I love to explore the city' [Means: I live in 'Jersey].
2.) 'I'm finally looking for a mature relationship' [Means: I want to move out of my momma's basement].
3.)'Looking to get married'. [Again]
4.) 'I love Jewish girls/guys!' [I'm not Jewish].
5.) 'Money not important but must have a [bitchin' bod] and be <28.' [I'm a trust fund baby and I expect all my toys to be nice, new, clean and shiny].
6.) 'You're unattached...' [That's good 'cause I need a baby sitter most of all].
7.) 'Live in the greater Metro area' [DC summer in MA]
8.) 'Live close to the metro area'[GA].
9.) 'Living the life of riley in my secluded country villa'. [Lives in AL or Costa Rica if you're lucky].
10.) 'Enjoy my family' [Momma's still living and lives with me. And I've got some kids.]
11.) 'Meet me in Temple!' [Lonely Rabbi/cantor. Very seldom used].
12.) 'Waiting to publish my first/2nd book!' [See lawyer, recipe books for, recommendations for hotels in Boliva].
13.) 'My ex's tell me...' [Anything, so long as I don't call too often].
Ok gotta go... Cheers, 'VJ'
melinama, mike, and others who asked for good openers...
I like mine: "Too cool for shul, but I go anyway. Sometimes."
That tells you a lot about me, my sense of humor and my religious practice, all in a few words. It may not be perfect, but I think it's creative and descriptive. At least much more so than Craig, 34, from NYC's opener: "Hi! I'm Craig! I'm 34! And I'm from NYC!"
let's not overlook two other classic opening line cliches:
1. "Um" or "Let's see." (folks, those are the words you keep INSIDE your head, using your quiet voice).
2. "It's very difficult to describe myself" (oh boy, can't wait to sit across from you on a date)
1. "My friends all say I'm . . . ." (don't you have any personality that exists apart from others' perceptions?)
2. ANYTHING WRITTEN IN CAPITAL LETTERS (sure sign of an alarming communications style)
3. "I cannot respond to your emails" (Now that's starting on a positive note)
4. "I'm extraordinary, sexy, and sophisticated . . . " All these qualities should be demonstrated, not asserted. Saying so screams of insecurity.
5. "I only live in Great Neck . . ."
"I have no problem meeting men, just haven't met the right one yet..."
B"H
From the Hebrew language daily "b'Sheva" (The women's ads are ALL the same every week.):
"national-religious, single, [age], academic, nice, serious, looking for a quality man who is financially stable with similar interests."
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