Thursday, September 08, 2005

Today's Question of the Day

Over the last three weeks, three different guys (who I would have considered potentials) have told me that they've "given up on dating." Is that "guy code" for "I'm just not that into you"? Thoughts?


Hilary said...

I don't know what that means, but I feel the need to point out that it looks like you're about to pull your skin off in that new picture you have up. What was that show that was on when we were kids? They were half aliens or something and they pulled their skin off, remember?

annabel lee said...

Maybe it means they're ready to find love. Really. There are lots of couples whose "how-we-met" stories start out with, "I/We had just given up on dating, and then we met!" Everyone says the best way to find someone is to stop looking...Unfortunately for me, I just can't seem to stop, though.

Mike said...

Even if they do mean they've given up on dating wouldn't that include the subset of "just not into you," anyway? But I expect that they're probably also frustrated with the dating scene in general. Who isn't? (ed.-couples.)(MIke -Oh shut up.)

Anonymous said...

as a guy whenever I have used a line like that it usualy is true. you have a string of bad experences and your feeling kinda burnt and you meet somone who is kinda cool and you could have fun but you don't know if it will work long term so you don't even want to start it because you will feel like a jerk if you have to end it . So instead of even starting the relationship you them I am just to burnt to start something (it's a level higher than I don't like you). Sorry if this post makes no sense but it is exactly the way I feel these days I just don't hhave the drive to get hurt or hurt again so I drift off the dating map.

asher said...

Doesn't it all come down to looks and money and not in that order?

Simcha said...

It could mean that they've given up on INTERNET dating, at least for the time being.

As a guy, the biggest problem I find in dating on-line is that when you actually meet, it's hard to feel the level of interest that ladies seem to require with someone with whom you have no friends or shared activities in common.

Here's a poem on the subject.

Ode to Jewish Dating Sites

My cup runneth over, my life is a joy.
Still, I am a girl and you are a boy.
I have many riches, my gelt and bookshelf.
But some things you really can’t do by yourself.

I sell stocks by day and work out at night.
I’m never religious, that wouldn’t seem right.
I love cats and dogs, and also kids too.
Nu, possibly maybe I’d even love you?

Tall, shtark and handsome, lift me on your shoulder
‘Tween 30 and 40, please nobody older.
I won’t try to change you, if you are good lookin’
And you’ll do the cleaning and I’ll do the cookin’.

Chemistry, chemistry, communication.
Who says that life isn’t one long vacation?
We’ll never get sick and we’ll never get old.
And our hots for each other will never get cold.

I look great in jeans or a slinky black dress
I do love to laugh, no time for distress.
Though I am my own woman and don’t need an owner.
Maybe I should just go and find a sperm donor?

I’m tired of bars, I’m through with that scene
You must always be smiling and never be mean.
You’ll kill in the boardroom and kill on the courts.
Our kids will get presents from FAO Schwartz.

I like you, but you just are not my beshert.
Goodbye and good luck and I mean you no hurt.
I simply can’t settle till everything’s right.
Happy hunting to all and to all a goodnight.


Esther Kustanowitz said...

Hil, do you mean V? LOL in any case...and yes, I am about to pull my skin off.

ALee, it's wonderful that you can't stop. That means you haven't given up...

Welcome to all the new or newish commenters...

I suspect that it's their way of "letting me down easy" before I extend myself too much emotionally. It also gets them off the hook from treating me like an actual woman instead of a pair of ears with no urges of their own. OK, so the image doesn't quite work, but you get it, right?

Looks are important. And having a job or jobs is important. But money as an independent value? Not my thing, anyway.

p_almonius said...

Without the context in which they said this no one can tell.

Amy said...

Maybe it just means that everybody's burned out on dating?

Gatsby said...

With the disclaimer that I don't know either of them, I'd say it isn't necessarily "I'm not that into you".
It is just an expression of frustration. When guys talk about other women, they aren't always excluding the women we are talking to. We are kinda odd that way. I'd say, don't take it as a sign either way..judge by other means.

esther said...

Thanks, everyone. You're right. I should judge it by other means. Like when he says he's looking forward to seeing me and then doesn't call me back. Theoretically. Of course, something like that would NEVER happen in real life...

Simcha said...

This kind of apparently, but not really devious comment may come from 1500 years of studying Talmud.

For example: "looking forward to seeing you" may mean just that, that if he by accident runs into you at Broadway and 72nd walking your dog and talking on your cell phone, it will be a genuine pleasure. But he said nothing about calling you. Maybe you should call him? Simcha

Jennifer said...

Hm. Well, when I say it, I genuinely mean that I DON'T WANT TO DATE ANYONE.

But let's face it, if the person was hot enough, would I really be able to turn them down?... Probably not. But anyone who doesn't smack 95% of my hot buttons, I'm probably not going to be motivated enough to want to give them a chance (despite my lack of interest in dating) at this point.

Then again, I am not a guy, so what do I know? :P I do like anonymous's post, though.

As for the "I gave up on dating" thing- ahem, that has never worked for me in finding a guy. Nor has the "I made a list of every single trait I wanted in a guy, and then I got it!" thing either. Clearly, God wants me to be single.

Lost Boy said...

I'm a straight 40 year old guy and have completely given up on women altogether with respect to dating. I've never had any luck and when I turned 40, I made the promise to myself to shut the doors and stop worrying about it. Its just not in the cards and they are just not worth the effort any longer. Its strange in that I have a lot of female friends and I'm social, fun to be with and basically down to earth and have been told I'm attractive or handsome. Some are perplexed by my decision however, that was not my goal. I'm just fed up with getting nowhere for so long. Totally beaten down. Ahhh! Enough of it all already! If they are interested, then from now on, they can just let me know and I'll decide for a change. But for now, even if one did hypothetically come along and was interested, the answer is "no thank you".

Now all that aside, the hypocritical part of this, is that I do love women. I adore them and yes, they are the better of the two sexes. No doubt about it. I'm also loyal to the female gender to a fault and will do anything for any one of them. My female friends know this. I'm the first person to put a bullet through the head of a rapist or mugger if thats going down in front of me. Well, since I don't have a gun I'd throw this 170lb body at him anyway. I'm totally old school when it comes to chivlry and all that goes with it.

BUT, as for dating. Its off. I've tried for the better part of 25 years. After never having a girlfriend all through high school, college, and now over 17 years in the Federal Government workforce, the writing is on the wall.

But hey, maybe I'm truely the type of man women want. I'll do anything for you and not bother you for a date. Is that what you all really want? Or is it?


One Lost Male

Mike said...

OMG lost boy you are me.

Martin said...

Hey, wait a minute... Lostboy might as well be me!!! In addition to the frustration HE has experienced, I wasted hundreds of dollars, countless hours of my time, and operated 2 websites which were about as much use to me as a spare shmuck in finding the right woman.

My search for love sounds like it could be a good "Twilight Zone" episode... a man searches for years and years to find it, only to find out that it's really nothing more than a cruel illusion the Almighty has put into his head. End of story. I'm so tired of the mishegoss the dating scene has become, that even if my "perfect woman" walked up to me and said "hey, big boy", I'd just tell her, SORRY, MISS, BUT YOU'RE TWENTY YEARS TOO LATE... HAVE A NICE DAY.

As far as I care, I can one day die all alone in my house, and my body can just rot and stink up the whole neighborhood until someone complains. I won't have a wife to dial the fire department when I collapse with a pain in my chest.

spike said...

"SORRY, MISS, BUT YOU'RE TWENTY YEARS TOO LATE... HAVE A NICE DAY." That sums it up pretty well. "I give up" means I give up. I just wish I had done it long before now, at age 44.