Friday, September 16, 2005

Top Five: Worst Opening Words in Online Dating Profiles

I'm sure you're all very nice people, you who have used these opening lines. But maybe you're not aware that sometimes, we can only see the first five to eight words of your profile without clicking to expand it. So think about which words are the first ones we'll see. Because you never get a second chance to make a first impression: 1. I work hard and play...[hard] 2. Hi I'm [NAME ALREADY LISTED IN THE PROFILE] and I'm [AGE ALREADY LISTED IN THE PROFILE] 3. I don't know why I'm on JDate.../My friends are making me do this... 4. Give me a reason to quit JDate. 5. Hello ladies! I am looking for a woman... And yes, there are more. These are just the ones that are irking me at this particular second.


melinama said...

So now, tell us what would be GOOD opening lines!

Simcha said...

Other cuties:
1. "I love to laugh!". Nu, we'll be great you and I, I love to collect feathers.
2. "I love life!" Which often means "My Zoloft is down to 25 mg a day!".
3. "I'm spontaneous". Perhaps better "impetuous"?
4. "I look "X" years younger than my real age!". Don't we all.
5. "Communication!". I'll talk, you'll listen and nod.
6. "I'm very interesting!". To my mother.
7. "Strong connection to Judaism". Bagels and the New York Times.
8. "Money and looks are not important". In your dreams.
9. "A poet trapped in a lawyer's body". Still, don't quit your day job.
10. "I'm very normal". 'Nuff said. Simcha

Anonymous said...

I'm an easy going guy that likes... and the classic I'm looking or an attractive lady who shares...

Gah so boring.

Shaun Eli said...

"I love all that NYC has to offer" which I believe means "I want to go out, but I have no idea what to do, so please be someone who can find something other than the dinners and movies I go to with my friends every weekend."

Tyler said...

3. I don't know why I'm on JDate.../My friends are making me do this...

Yeah, this one always makes me sit up and take notice. It's like, "I didn't want to make any effort, but here I am, so you do all the work." Grreat!

Originality is a good thing, people...

Mike said...

So any suggestions? I mean its not the easiest thing in the world to think of an opening line that's different from all the hundreds or thousands that some random stranger has already seen, especially when half of us are already below average in writing skills to start with. Mine is "I am currently a medical student at a Philly medical school. I have varied interests, ranging fro..." Does that suck?

Anonymous said...

Oh boy could folks run with this one, right? I don't have the time...

1.) 'I love to explore the city' [Means: I live in 'Jersey].

2.) 'I'm finally looking for a mature relationship' [Means: I want to move out of my momma's basement].

3.)'Looking to get married'. [Again]

4.) 'I love Jewish girls/guys!' [I'm not Jewish].

5.) 'Money not important but must have a [bitchin' bod] and be <28.' [I'm a trust fund baby and I expect all my toys to be nice, new, clean and shiny].

6.) 'You're unattached...' [That's good 'cause I need a baby sitter most of all].

7.) 'Live in the greater Metro area' [DC summer in MA]

8.) 'Live close to the metro area'[GA].

9.) 'Living the life of riley in my secluded country villa'. [Lives in AL or Costa Rica if you're lucky].

10.) 'Enjoy my family' [Momma's still living and lives with me. And I've got some kids.]

11.) 'Meet me in Temple!' [Lonely Rabbi/cantor. Very seldom used].

12.) 'Waiting to publish my first/2nd book!' [See lawyer, recipe books for, recommendations for hotels in Boliva].

13.) 'My ex's tell me...' [Anything, so long as I don't call too often].

Ok gotta go... Cheers, 'VJ'

IsraeliBulldozer said...

I might be a rarity in this day and age of internet dating and romance disasters but I actually met my wife on JDate back in August 2002. We were married in May 2004 and have been living happily ever after since. For all of you JDaters who’ve given up hope or who are contemplating doing so, don’t do it just yet. After several years of searching for my yedid nefesh and almost giving up myself, my last attempt at finding love on JDate finally paid off when I’d least expected it. Check out my website at for more information about me!

Gufle said...

you see bulldozer that IS the point - jdate [and many other ghastly dating site, singles events and so that we all bitch about] are like the lottery - 99.9% people win nothing but there are a lucky few who scoop the jackpot and if you don't buy a ticket you have no chance at all... its that tiny kernal of hope of people like you that keeps us slapping on the war paint for a dreaful boat trip on the river, composing that profile etc. [sigh]
btw why if you are married are you reading this blog? masochism?

Esther Kustanowitz said...

melinama, mike, and others who asked for good openers...

I like mine: "Too cool for shul, but I go anyway. Sometimes."

That tells you a lot about me, my sense of humor and my religious practice, all in a few words. It may not be perfect, but I think it's creative and descriptive. At least much more so than Craig, 34, from NYC's opener: "Hi! I'm Craig! I'm 34! And I'm from NYC!"

allie said...

let's not overlook two other classic opening line cliches:

1. "Um" or "Let's see." (folks, those are the words you keep INSIDE your head, using your quiet voice).

2. "It's very difficult to describe myself" (oh boy, can't wait to sit across from you on a date)

mission2moscow said...

1. "My friends all say I'm . . . ." (don't you have any personality that exists apart from others' perceptions?)

2. ANYTHING WRITTEN IN CAPITAL LETTERS (sure sign of an alarming communications style)

3. "I cannot respond to your emails" (Now that's starting on a positive note)

4. "I'm extraordinary, sexy, and sophisticated . . . " All these qualities should be demonstrated, not asserted. Saying so screams of insecurity.

5. "I only live in Great Neck . . ."

Anonymous said...

"I have no problem meeting men, just haven't met the right one yet..."

Cassandra3383 said...

Some of the cheesiest lines I got on webdate_dot_com but it works for me because the guys I dated through webdate turned out to be nice men, I like a little sense of humor in a guy.

Ben-Yehudah said...


From the Hebrew language daily "b'Sheva" (The women's ads are ALL the same every week.):

"national-religious, single, [age], academic, nice, serious, looking for a quality man who is financially stable with similar interests."