Thursday, January 27, 2005


According to this article on iVillage's Sex and Relationships channels there are 5 ways to make ANYONE fall in love with you, and it all has to do with manipulating our idiot brains. Here are the five ways they suggest: 1. Hang Around Lots...but Then Be Unavailable This is excruciating. If you like someone, you want to be around them all the time. This is advocating an "absence makes the heart grow fonder" stance, but you run the risk of crossing over into "out of sight=out of mind." 2. Let Them Do Nice Things for You That's really nice. I do so enjoy the word "nice." It's so "nice." And so meaningless. When we're infatuated with someone, we're desperate to do nice things for him. You're much better off letting him spoil you. That's great. But if I'm unavailable, how's he gonna get to do nice things for me? 3. Give Them the Eye If you look at someone you like 75 percent of the time when they're talking to you, you trick their brain. The brain knows the last time that someone looked at them that long and often, it meant they were in love. So it thinks OK, I'm obviously in love with this person as well, and starts to release phenylethylamine (PEA). PEA is a chemical cousin to amphetamines and is secreted by the nervous system when we first fall in love. PEA is what makes our palms sweat, our tummies flip over, and our hearts race. The more PEA the person you want has pumping through the bloodstream, the more likely he is to fall in love with you. Shakespeare summed this one up the best: Tell me where is fancy bred...or in the heart or in the head? See? I told you your brain was an idiot. (And besides, I've tried this and it doesn't work.) 4. Don't Look Away Simply lock eyes with the person you like and keep them there, even when he has finished talking or someone else joins the conversation. When you eventually do drag your eyes away (three or four seconds later), do it slowly and reluctantly -- as though they're attached by warm toffee...If you're too shy to gaze openly, skip the toffee and think bouncing ball. Look away and at the other person who's joined the conversation, but every time they finish a sentence, let your eyes bounce back to the person you're interested in. This is a checking gesture -- you're checking his reaction to what the speaker is saying -- and lets him know you're more interested in him than the other person. What an image. Warm toffee. My eyelids are getting heavy just thinking about it. More ways that your brain is an idiot. (Plus, I've also tried this and it doesn't work.) 5. Practice Pupillometrics There's just one thing you need for bedroom eyes: big pupils. According to pupillometrics, the science of pupil study, this is the crucial element we respond to. You can't consciously control your pupils (one reason why people say the eyes don't lie). But you can create the right conditions to inspire large pupils and get the effect. First, reduce light. Our pupils expand when they're robbed of it, one reason why candlelight and dimmer switches are de rigueur in romantic restaurants. It's not just the softening of light that makes our faces appear more attractive, larger pupils also help. I can see myself now, with my eyes squeezed shut for an hour in preparation for a party where I'll see a guy I like. Later, when we get engaged, I'll ask him what first attracted him to me, and he'll say, "I'm a pupil man." In case you're interested in more wisdom from the author of these tips, you can check out 18 Body Language Cues That Say He's Interested.


Andrea said...

This is so funny!
1. Unfortunately "out of sight, out of mind" has always applied to me (except for the case of celebrity crushes). I was a terrible long-distance girlfriend when I was 19/20.

2. "Nice" is subjective. To answer your question, Esther, maybe if you're unavailable he'll want you so badly that he'll send you flowers and candy and a car that you can drive farther away from him in.

3. No wonder that when I give annoying people the "evil eye" they keep coming back!

4. I'm getting DIZZY imagining bouncing eyes. There is a chance that the third wheel in the conversation will feel offended. Then, maybe they'll realize that they're the third wheel and leave. Or maybe the person you're interested in will be creeped out by this little exercise and you'll end up with Third Wheel, who's the person you're supposed to end up with. Wouldn't it be cool if you started out flirting with Guy #1 but it turned out that Third Wheel was your besheret?

5. They're saying that lack of light makes physically unattractive people look more attractive? If you need the darkness to make them more attractive, why the heck are you talking with them? So that this scenario makes more sense, let's assume that you're talking to them because you've heard that they're great in bed and you've got an itch that needs scratching. In either case, skip the candlelight, go straight for the beer (or other alcoholic beverage of choice).

Some of the other points the article raised scared me too, like the flaring nostrils.
Another one, "He'll start squeezing his glass or can or roll it from side to side, slightly squeezing it as he does so." reminds me of something I've done: Guys seem to like it when women fondle the necks of beer bottles. It only works if you're looking to score rather than for something meaningful.

Your posts tend to bring out my sardonic side, Esther.

Ken Wheaton said...

Thanks for this post. I'm sooooooo gonna get some tonight!

Vendelascity said...

Okay, well if your romantic interest ISN'T interested in you wouldn't

A) Making yourself suddenly unavailable let him/her off the hook so they don't have to do the dirty work of saying they're JNTIY?

B) All that eye contact creep him/her out?

Anonymous said...

This reminds me of that iconic book from the 90's "The Rules -- Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right." As most people already know, one of the authors is no longer married. Be that as it may, whenever anyone comes up with a "formula" for how to find love, there's bound to be some dispute of its claims. Why? Because not everything works for everyone.


Grins said...

Furiously scribbling notes here. Lets see if I've got it...I should sit in the dark staring intently at someone that isn't there because I told them I was busy that weekend. Why didn't mom tell me this?

Esther Kustanowitz said...

Grins, FWIW, I spend loads of time staring at people who aren't there, and it doesn't seem to work for me.