Friday, December 10, 2004


Of course, I have to lead with octopus love. If you'd like to meet someone but don't know how or where, the internet can help: At inked a matchmaking deal with EHarmony. Forgive my cynicism, but if you ask me, this is like MTV partnering with the Smithsonian. Friendster is for people with an attention span of three seconds; and the EHarmony questionnaire is full of questions no one can understand and takes over an hour to fill out. Sounds perfect, right? This week, the Virtual Wingman hit Yahoo News (but if you’ve been paying attention, you’ll know no one will give her a chance. Oprah’s Wednesday show (a repeat) featured the author of “He’s Just Not that Into You,” and made me determined to never waste time over boys who can’t get their acts together. Jewsweek reviews two books about sex and dating: She Comes First, and Single Jewish Female: Neither book presents a unified theory for Jewish sex. She Comes First isn't a Jewish book, but for what it is -- a guide to oral sex -- it's the better for it. SJF is unabashedly Jewish, but for all Furman's borscht-belt jokery, she makes it clear that a Jewish girl wants to marry a Jewish guy because she wants to send Jewish kids to Hebrew School -- not because she's looking for the kind of fiery action that only comes from a shared history of desert-wandering. Tis the season to be depressed and lonely? Not according to these two items from the internet: Here’s yet another Singles Season Survival Guide to avoid the purported loneliness of the Christmas season: And non-religious Jewish singles can meet their mates at “The Ball”. And finally, in Australia, a study reveals that it’s healthier to be married, and that “singles had higher levels of psychological disturbance and alcohol consumption”: I think that ties in with the lonely season article above. (We're trying, goshdarnit! Don't add pressure! Leave us the freak alone!) Wishing you all a happy holiday season!


Vendelascity said...

Oy, now I'm *really* depressed! Exactly one year and one day ago, I registered on eHarmony. After 30 minutes of answering "true/false", "yes/no" and "on a scale of 1-10" multiple-choice questions later, the search engine generated this message:

Unable to Match You at This TimeeHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive testing of married individuals. One of the requirements for it to work successfully is for participants to fall into our rigorously defined profiles. If we aren't able to match a user well using these profiles, the most considerate approach is to inform them early in the process.

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish and enjoy happy, lasting relationships that we choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching system is not suitable for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply would not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand that we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.

Wait... did I read that right? There isn't ONE single match for me? Ohmigod, at the rate things have been going, I'm gonna die, alone and unloved in this crappy studio apartment with 10 cats! (Cats pending...)

Vendelascity said...

Of course, eHarmony was founded by a conservative, right-wing Christian so it's no wonder they rejected me when I checked "Faith: Jewish"!

Anonymous said...

E-Dating Bubble Spring a Leak, an article at

Anonymous said...

Please indulge me Esther as I take the "expert" position here and address what Vendela posted about her experience:

"Our matching system is not suitable for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply would not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand that we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time."I would prefer that more matchmaking services and matchmakers utilize some kind of criteria when they offer to help singles find a compatible mate. I would bet that 20% is a low figure -- most matchmakers fail over 50% of the time. The more matches they make however (i.e., the bigger their "N"), the greater the potential to succeed.

While I'm sure that Neil Clark Warren, Ph.D. would not disagree that he is a devout Christian, I have read his books, and even teach from them, and do not see anything blatantly religious, or even Christian, about the principles he conveys. His book, "Date or Soulmate; How to Know if Someone is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less" has many sound and helpful strategies to help singles determine compatibility with whomever s/he is dating. He even includes the recommendation that two people be "spiritually compatible," and doesn't say anything about what religion that should be.

I say, be glad that you were rejected. No one was trying to take your money and giving you false promises. Keep trying Vendela (and you too Esther and all of your readers) and say some prayers for help from above as well.