Monday, December 12, 2005

Def Chat Room Poetry Slam

And now, introducing a new JDaters Anonymous feature: poetry based on comments made in the JDate chat room... Tonight's post...(actual comments in italics) I Always End Up at Weddings in Vancouver Where ever I go, I always end up at weddings in Vancouver Where ice forms on fingertips and cools the chambers of my heart On the other hand I expect weddings in Vancouver to be scenic But tomorrow, I have another date with another guy who wants to go out for hot cocoa A guy needs to be a man go out for vodka martinis or anything alcoholic in nature at night But in daytime, I think: hiya...howdy...anyone from NYC? And wonder... does anyone have a good recipe for felafel balls? yeah...the arabs. LOL.


Anonymous said...

Very evocative poem, you can feel the ice.

I've never even THOUGHT of having a vodka martini (too goyish, I'm actually a Manischewitz kind of guy), but might if you'd go out with me.

Here's a poem I wrote about JDate, which has actually gotten return e-mails from girls who otherwise probably wouldn't have.......

Ode to JDate

My cup runneth over, my life is a joy.
Still, I am a girl and you are a boy.
I have many riches, my gelt and bookshelf.
But some things you really can’t do by yourself.

I sell stocks by day and work out at night.
I’m never religious, that wouldn’t seem right.
I love cats and dogs, and also kids too.
Nu, possibly maybe I’d even love you?

Tall, shtark and handsome, lift me on your shoulder
‘Tween 30 and 40, please nobody older.
I won’t try to change you, if you are good lookin’
And you’ll do the cleaning and I’ll do the cookin’.

Chemistry, chemistry, communication.
Who says that life isn’t one long vacation?
We’ll never get sick and we’ll never get old.
And our hots for each other will never get cold.

I look great in jeans or a slinky black dress
I do love to laugh, no time for distress.
Though I am my own woman and don’t need an owner.
Maybe I should just go and find a sperm donor?

I’m tired of bars, I’m through with that scene
You must always be smiling and never be mean.
You’ll kill in the boardroom and kill on the courts.
Our kids will get presents from FAO Schwartz.

I like you, but you just are not my beshert.
Goodbye and good luck and I mean you no hurt.
I simply can’t settle till everything’s right.
Happy hunting to all and to all a goodnight.

EMS said...

There's an abundance of poetry hiding in the profiles and emails of jdaters. Would you prefer a poem to a tease?

Esther Kustanowitz said...

EMS...I prefer no contact to a tease. To me, a tease says, I wanna talk but can't figure out what to say. Which is not acceptable in a first online meeting--if you want to talk, have something to say! Something you thought of yourself...even if it's a humorous extrapolation from the words of others, at least you spent a few minutes thinking about it and composing it...

Chutzpah said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Esther Kustanowitz said...

Yes, Chutzpah, I deleted your comment. But only because you included the names, and my policy is not to.

But as usual, you have "good" stories, so here's the text of your comment with the names altered to protect the not-so-innocent.

E, this week a member named "OhhidereAliev" which I no idea what that means, asked me how my gag reflex was. I think I prefer the tease to that. Then "Sniderman" said I was lovely but he turned down my offer to go bike riding on a Sunday when I wouldn't invite him over to my place site unseen on Sat. night. "BoneCollector" wrote to tell me he likes Tina Turner too, but didn't pursue anything because he lives in Chicago and probably prefers men. "24601" told me he would be the best sex I ever had, but that he spent the afternoon having sex with someone else and only has two other partners. Other than that, about 4 31 year olds offered me a good time. I have since taken out all references to sex from my profile and am going to try to act very prudish from now on and see if that helps. Oh, and watch out fella's...cause I'm naming names from now on. (Unless Esther doesn't want me to, in which case she can delete this)

Frank Reiss said...

It couldn't be crazier than that in Israel now could it?

Seriously, why don't some of you complainers give Israel a try. It doesn't look like you have anything to lose.

Surely you have heard the expression, mashenh makom, mishaneh mazal?

Anonymous said...

I was thinking a bit more about this phenomenon. I'm thinking in particular about 2 friends that got married recently in my town. They're both brothers, and I know their dad. Both got married within a year of each other. They're just average guys, not 'good looking' in any classical sense, certainly not rich, with work a day jobs that anyone not in rural Ga. might not be very impressed with. They're solid good folks, church going people. They both married very fine smart and accomplished young ladies, indeed one gets mistaken for a model quite often, even with her new baby.

So I was wondering how did these kids, who my dear momma would helpfully describe as 'adenoidal', without any great prospects, riches, or grand inheritance manage to get out of the house in a hurry when they saw the time was right? They sing. They sing together, they sing 'gospel', they sing torch songs of yore, they sing old time ballads. And it stood them in good stead when it came time to win the sweet girl.

Now truth be told this wanes quite a bit after they're married (I asked this of the new mom, and she confirmed it). But for sealing the deal you might try both; poetry and song. It's a thought. Why not include some of this on an MP# file on your profile? I'm sure it's done, right? Cheers, 'VJ'