BBC PRESENTS: "ROMANCE ACADEMY"

According to Harrow Times: Britain has the highest numbers of sexually transmitted diseases and teenage pregnancies in Europe, while Harrow has some of the highest in London. I did not know that. Britain? Really? Too much Coupling, I guess. (As if there could be too much of such a great show..."Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...") Amid this climate of promiscuity and teen sex, the BBC have commissioned a new documentary series, to be set in Harrow, encouraging youngsters to "try abstinence". First of all, they're calling it a documentary, but I'm thinking it's more like a reality show. Like "Amish in the City," but it's really "Abstinent in England." I wonder what the slogan for abstinence will be. "Relax: Don't Do It" seems very inappropriate, considering the original thematic of that Frankie Goes To Hollywood song. The series will follow a group of 15-18-year-olds to see if they can go five months without sex. Dubbed Romance Academy, the unusual show will urge the teens to practise celibacy and encourage them try old fashioned dating rituals. Let's set aside the fact that there are apparently 15-18 year-olds who are sex addicts. I don't think we had those in my high school. How does one practice celibacy? Very carefully. If you practice Judaism, you engage in Jewish rituals and customs. What are the customs of celibacy? Is abstention from an act an act itself? Old-fashioned rituals may include going to airports and hotel lobbies on your dates and attending singles dances where a wall of plants separates the men from the women. Or so I've heard.