Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Online Dating So Easy a Monkey Could Do It!!

According to the AP, orangutans (don't call them monkeys! I mean, except for clever headlines...) will be using the internet to find mates. Zookeepers are planning to hook up single orangutans from the Netherlands with others from Indonesia. (Those meddling zookeepers, always trying to marry off the singles...) Sources (and by "sources" I mean "there are no sources, so wait for the joke to hit you") say that the single orangutans' parents insist that their kids don't need the internet to find a mate, and are shocked that scientists are plotting the dating and mating of their offspring to orangutans from another country. First of all, we all know how hard it is to have long-distance relationships:
[A spokeswoman for the Apenheul ape park in the central Dutch city of Apeldoorn] said the chance of two orangutans actually mating as a result of the online interaction was small due to the problem of transporting them between the Netherlands and Indonesia. "But I wouldn't rule it out completely," she told The Associated Press.
And if you add the cultural differences and the language barrier, it makes for some awkward family moments: she wants a traditional Dutch ceremony, and he wants to raise the kids Indonesian. For more hot international orangutan action, click over to this article that tells you all about how single orangutans will meet and mate using the same internet that you use for your, er, Amazon shopping.

6 comments:

VJ said...

All this like the rest of life is hypothetical. Mr. O might like the cut of Ms. O's cloak, but that does not guarantee any successful matings, or even that they'll be able to 'like' each other. As ever, life imitates reality elsewhere. Cheers, 'VJ'

Passionate Life said...

HA HA! This post reminded me of a post I wrote a while back:

Hot Monkey Love

Here are some of my favorite quotes from a news article on the topic:

…"We want to break the species line," says Paul Waldau, ethics professor at Tufts University and vice-president of the Great Ape Project International (GAP). "We want to break the strangle-hold humans have on these rights.

…Humans, by the way, are also Great Apes -- and according to many researchers, there's more of a family resemblance than we once thought.

…"There is no dividing line between humans and apes," says Stuart Shanker, a professor of psychology and philosophy at York University in Toronto, and co-author of Apes, Language and the Human Mind.

…And humans are Great Apes too -- anything we achieve would apply to them as well.”

Which would explain the Orangutans newfangled interest in online dating! Jeez! What comes next? Humans marrying dolphins??? Oh wait, that's been done too!!!

Brit Jew marries dolphin

dave said...

hi esther.
it says in your profile to share our dating stories with oyu but i can't see how to do that.

Chutzpah said...

Koko the Talking Gorilla also picked a mate, Ndume, by watching videos of male gorillas from all over the world. She clearly picked him over all the other and he relocated to her home from his in Cincinatti. Unfortunately he wants to be "just friends" and her biological time clock is ticking. Send Koko an email...she'll love it! www.Koko.org

VJ said...

Koko is indeed the one of the cases I was thinking of Chutzpah! Cheers, 'VJ'

Mel Balsamo said...

This is a funny post. When I read the title, I thought "monkey" is just a metaphor to describe how easy it is to be involved in Online Dating. Seemed I was mistaken. Anyway, will this online dating for orangutans actually work? I mean, how?

I believe in the quote "...And humans are Great Apes too -- anything we achieve would apply to them as well", but could not really imagine how it is possible for them to be involved in dating, especially online. Perhaps one day I'd be shocked to see these species all over dating sites like JRomances.com, this is where I look for mates. I'd be happy to see them there! hahaha...